Friday, October 10, 2014

happy yellow cart

This cart was meant to be mine.  I loved her at first sight.  She was holding grungy tools at a garage sale, and her sticker said $10.  I didn't have $10 with me, and I didn't have any money left in my "mad money" part of the budget.  There were plenty of years during which the only "mad money" we had was the money that I spent and consequently made Tim mad.  However, these days, our budget does allow me some money to decorate the house, buy fancy hand soap instead of Dial, buy mums for the porch, etc.  I digress...  Anyway, I had already spent that week's "mad money" and I'm really trying to be a budget girl, although it is so very hard.  I walked away from this love-at-first-sight happy yellow cart.

Fast forward two weeks.  My mad money had been replenished, and I had a crisp $10 bill.  I thought, "maybe they are having a yard sale again this week-end".  I drove by, but no such luck.  I had been dreaming of the happy yellow cart in my sleep.  Much to my boys' dismay...actually, just the big boy's dismay, the other two didn't even know what was happening...I parked in the driveway and knocked on the back door.  No answer.  Knocked again.  Still no answer.  I went around to the front door.  She answered!!!!  Now what do I say??  I went with the truth....I saw a happy yellow cart at your garage sale a couple of weeks ago and I didn't have any money but I've been dreaming of the happy yellow cart and I know this is really really weird but is there any chance you still have it and you would sell it to me????  (fingers crossed, hoping she doesn't slam the door in my face)

She smiled and said, "Of course!  I'll meet you out there."  We cleaned off the grungy tools.  I handed her the crisp $10 bill.  The happy cart became mine.  She makes me smile every time I walk by her.  It's like we've been together forever.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Here's to the dark days...

It's one of those days.  Nothing about my circumstances points me to darkness, but the day feels dark.  I can't do all the things, so I lash out.  My to-do list feels like a losing game of Tetris, so I get angry at the people I love the most.  I ask for a night with no kids, but it doesn't really turn out that way.  I realize at about 8:00 that I completely forgot to take dinner to a family with a "Dad fell off the barn" injury.  They went without dinner, and it's my fault.  They're probably starving or eating PopTarts for dinner.  I'm just mad, cranky, grumpy, out of sorts.  It feels dark.  Now, I'm mad at the Loverboy, and he doesn't know why.  There is no why.  He's doing all the things, too.  He's doing more of the things than I'm doing, actually.

I call the Mom of the starving family.  She assures me they did not starve.  We laugh about it.  Grace.  The Loverboy tells me to leave the table and do some of the things.  They will clean up.  Grace.  The littlest one tells me a story about school and his sweet teacher who points him daily to Jesus whether he knows she does or not.  Grace.  The middle one tells us how happy/sad it makes him when his friends take home "Back Pack" food on Friday...happy because they are happy to have food/sad because they wouldn't have food otherwise.  Grace.  The biggest one says "I'm sorry your night without kids didn't really work out".  Grace.

It's all grace, every last little bit of it.  Grace is the road home.  Grace is what will bring the joy in the morning.