Thursday, July 16, 2009

No Safer Place

Earlier today I told Tim that I had a strange uneasiness about something but I wasn't sure what it was. As we talked I realized that, although I couldn't put words to it only moments before, I'm feeling uneasy about leaving Simon in Marshall while the rest of the family goes to Mexico. To be honest, it will be nice to have a break from caring for a very fiesty toddler, but it won't feel quite right without him either. Our conversation reminded me of what I wrote in my journal 3 years ago when we were leaving both of the older boys to go to Haiti. I've put it in my blog before, but I thought I'd share it again...

"We’re en route to Haiti as I write. We left Marshall at 10:30 this morning. My heart was heavy, yet hopeful, as I left two of God’s most precious gifts in Marshall. The heaviness came from knowing I will miss them—their smiles, hugs, kisses, orneriness—and they will miss me—my hugs, kisses, my lap, my touch in the middle of the night. The hopefulness came from knowing they will become more like Jesus and I will, too. This is so much more than a mission trip to Haiti for me. It is a statement TO the self in me that is still left MADE BY the Jesus in me that I hope is growing daily. The Jesus in me is saying that I choose to live fearlessly. Nothing is worth more to me than bringing glory to my Father. My comfort, my peace, my safety, and my agenda have no value to me. They have been crucified. Even the comfort and safety of my boys is not more important than walking daily right beside my Savior. I have felt uneasy about going to Haiti from the very first mention of it, and yet, I feel no uneasiness at all because I know my Father and I trust Him. Who else loves me like He does? Who else knows me like He does? Who else loves my boys like He does? I rest in the shelter of His wings. I lay my boys in the shelter of His wings. There is no safer place."
` from Jennifer’s journal, July 2006

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Kathy said...


Angie said...

Jen - thanks for sharing that piece of your heart that probably most of us needed to hear. I can't imagine all the emotions whirling around you...but you said it best...they are crucified. I will be lifting you all up as you prepare for and take this trip. I will also be praying a special prayer that God, in His tender mercy, would help you to surrender those reservations and go boldly where He is leading. I am proud of you dear friend and I love you a big, whole, lot!