Sometimes this Mama loses her $#/&, people. Sometimes they are at fault, and sometimes they are just being boys or brothers. When I lose it, they get that look on their faces...the one that communicates "Oh dear, Mama has lost her $#/&!!!! Here she goes." I hate it when they get that look as it reeks of despair and maybe even fear...fear of what I think of them in that moment. I know I am hurting their little souls as I rant. These are not my finest moments.
It happened just now as we were driving home, as one was unhappy and got a little snippy and that snippy prompted a lot of snippy from another and then the third one decided to get involved. Then Mama lost it, and the love was not flowing in any direction.
Sometimes, Mama needs to lose it. When a Mama has three boys, I don't think anyone expects her to be syrupy sweet in every moment, nor should she be. BUT sometimes this Mama needs to just breathe and love and speak peace and hope instead.
So, I administered the "sorry", and the "sorry" changes things. They, as always, were so forgiving. They know how to forgive, these three, and they are full of grace with their Mama. The big one said, "it's alright", in that voice that is somewhere between child and man. The little one said, "it's ok, now can I show you my magic trick?". The middle one looked at me with those big eyes and said, "it's ok. I still love you" with a sheepish grin.
The grace...it changes everything.