Monday, April 27, 2009

Two Steps Forward, and One Step Back


Some weeks peace in our home just doesn't come without a struggle, and this has been one of those weeks.  We have a hope and a dream for our boys to have a relationship of encouragement and building each other up...click on this post from my old blog to read more about that.  I know it can happen.  I know that it is worth the struggle.  I know it's what God is calling our family to.  Some days, though, I really just want to crawl onto the couch with a quilt and read a fluffy romance novel.

Instead, I kept loving, kept explaining, kept punishing, kept hugging, kept weeping, kept praying, and kept hoping...and I'm trusting that hope will not disappoint me.

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Sunday, April 19, 2009

All in the same week...

....Isaac lost his first tooth

...Simon took his first step

...Ezra can't fit into any of his shoes

...and Isaac's coach told him he needs one of those one things boys wear when they play sports.

Oh, my, they're growing up too fast!!!!!!!!

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Wednesday, April 1, 2009

The Body of Christ, oh, it is beautiful...

We just finished the Dwelling Place (our jr/sr high ministry at church), and I rushed to Tim's computer so that I wouldn't forget a moment of what just happened...

Tim spoke about grace, about Jesus' perspective on people stuck in pig slop, about the fact that we really should still be stuck in the pig slop if it weren't for his fantastic grace. After he spoke, we sang a couple of songs about the cross. What happened next is what struck me...

Tim put his guitar in its stand, stepped off the little stage, and picked up some communion trays. He said, "We're going to have communion, but I'd like you to all sit down on the floor and pass the trays to each other. As you pass the bread, I'd like for you to say, 'the body of Christ, broken for you' and as you pass the juice, 'the blood of Christ, shed for you'. [That's not something we typically do in our church, so that's a new thing for most of us.] Once you've had communion, go ahead and stand up and join me in singing some more songs that deal with the cross."

Before Tim can even pass the bread to the first person, we hear, from a 7th grade boy (I'm not going to use their names to protect the innocent, or guilty, whichever the case may be.), "Is that real wine or grape juice?" "Shut up," says his friend, "this is supposed to be a moment!" These boys are not whispering, either. Then, as Tim is just about to start the passing, the 7th grade girl who is first, says, "Can I go spit out my gum?" Tim replies, "sure, anyone else? Anyone else need to go spit out their gum?" and 5 or 6 people head over to the trash can. Tim says, "Hmmm...I didn't exactly plan for that when I was preparing for this." Okay, finally Tim passes the trays to the first girl. He says, "the body of Christ broken for you, the blood of Christ shed for you," and she takes the trays...

...She passes the trays on somewhat awkwardly, not knowing whether to hold the tray while the next girl drinks her juice or just pass it on and let her deal with having her hands full and trying to drink from a little shot glass-sized cup....

...The next girl, also a 7th grader, forgets what to say and starts giggling. All of her friends, somewhat loudly, remind her what she's supposed to say...

...At this point, Tim has started playing his guitar and singing, "My chains are gone, I've been set free..."

...A 7th grade boy in gym shorts walks on his knees over to a 9th grader who recently got some press for playing varsity b-ball and, in his still somewhat squeaky voice, says, "the body of Christ broken for you, the blood of Christ shed for you"...

...the 9th grader and his friend snicker when one of them almost drops the tray...

...a seventh grade girl, with her eyes squeezed shut and her hands in the air, belts out, "My chains are gone, I've been set free, My God my Savior has ransomed me"...

...a whole string of 8th grade boys who I would describe as being in the in-crowd pass the trays along and the last one passes it on to the boy sitting beside him, who is perhaps not always "in", saying, "the body of Christ broken for you, the blood of Christ shed for you"...

...a thirty-something youth sponsor lifts her hands and sings with all of her might, "Why should I gain from His reward? I can not give an answer, but this I know with all my heart, His wounds have paid my ransom," and I know from our conversations that this could not be truer...

...I sit at the computer, trying to keep pushing the buttons to make the words display on the screen, while feeling overwhelmed and awed. This could not be a more vivid picture of the body of Christ. I'm sure of it. I am certain that Jesus was here and that he loved it! We remembered His body and His blood tonight and, at the same time, we WERE His body tonight. That's what He wanted us to do. I'm glad I was here in this holy place tonight, smelling of gym shoes and 7th grade girls' body mist. I know Jesus a little better than I did before I came.

Monday, March 30, 2009

These are the days...

There is a song from my past that contains the lines "These are the days that I wish to never end, when I wake within Your presence, when we make the day begin, when morning is spent bringing us together..."

Mornings like this one always bring that song to mind. It's 6:52 and I've already exercised; I've just finished spending some good time with God and my coffee. I'm watching Simon slowly wake up in Tim's arms, hearing his morning noises, and watching him touch Tim's face. In these moments, all is right with the world. I wish I could bottle this feeling and open up the bottle later today when Simon is crying, when Ezra is asking me to start a movie or change his clothes for the fiftieth time, when I'm feeling overwhelmed and inadequate. I want to feel this peace when I'm attacking the mound of dishes in the kitchen. I think its possible...the peace doesn't depend on what's happening, but on who God is. I think I'm gonna try it today...these are the days that I wish to never end...no matter what's going on.


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Friday, March 27, 2009

Lord, You are good

You are faithful, Lord. I have found you to be faithful in my life. I know that I know that I know that you keep your promises. I can look back and see the ways you have brought me to today. I would never have chosen or guessed the paths you chose, but I am grateful. I am thankful for the hurts...they brought me closer to you as I climbed up on your lap and let you comfort me. I am thankful for the laughter...I love the moments when I have laughed until I cried. Thank you for challenging me, growing me, loving me, saving me, buying me back, choosing me, calling me. Keep challenging me and calling me...I never want to miss what you have in mind for me because I'm scared or comfortable or buried so deep in "stuff" that I can't hear you. I love you, Father.

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Saturday, February 28, 2009

Why, oh why?

I heard the news this morning that one of my bosses at Milligan died today, and the cause was a self-inflicted gun shot wound. My heart is heavy and sad. I wonder how things could have been that bad, and yet, there have been moments in my life when I've understood how the pain could really be that deep.

His name was Mike Johnson, and he made us laugh, oh did he make us laugh. When I entered his presence, he would bark, "Enkoff" in his scruffy voice. I rarely saw him without a shirt and tie and even a jacket on, and yet, he was really a hillbilly at heart. He was the director of Admissions and I was one of those "callers of prospective students" (you know, the ones you hang up on or lie to and say the student is not at home). He was so encouraging and fun that he made hard work something we looked forward to rather than a chore. He valued all of us, no matter where we had come from, what we looked like, or who we knew. I learned a lot from Mike about how to treat the people you're leading....to build them up, to encourage their gifts, to be excited about their success, to be sensitive to pain and hurt in their lives, to say you're sorry (and mean it!) when you screw up.

The world is different because of Mike Johnson...I am different because of Mike Johnson. Although I haven't talked to him in over 10 years (except for that we had just become facebook friends!!), part of who I am today is because of his influence in my life.

Oh, that we would notice the pain and hurt in the people around us.

Feeling sad and heavy,

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Monday, February 9, 2009

Cousin Lori, are you out there??

Some of you may remember cousin Lori who reads my blog every day and is often disappointed, I am sure, to find that there is nothing new. I am so sad about something. I just now finally made it through the HUGE basket of mail that accumulated while I was gone for five whole weeks..... Please let me digress here and say that if I should happen to die before Tim, would someone please help him open the mail. I am dreadfully afraid that, although our laundry would likely be kept up better and the boys would eat at home more, our mail would NEVER get opened. So, girls, I'm trusting you to help me on this, okay??

Anyway, back to the subject at hand, in the HUGE basket of mail, I found that my Christmas card to cousin Lori and her sweet family was returned!! Have I put the wrong address on it?? Did they move to San Antonio or something?? Cousin Lori, please know that you were not left off the list. I have a picture of our boys that is longing to hang on your refrigerator. I will check the address tomorrow and try to send it again. Just hold on a few more days...it's coming.

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